I am afraid of the big bad wolf

It’s not uncommon, to be afraid. In certain circumstances it is certainly warranted.  It’s just that when I try to settle down at night, get cozy under the covers, take a few deep breaths, the wolf seems to come alive.  I flip from side to side. Pull the covers up and down. Sometimes I even get up and pop another sleeping medication.  The wolf waits my restlessness out.  He pounces once again as I try to sink into the mattress.
Any and every scenario I had with a person at my job will get played and replayed. Any and every scenario I can think of for tomorrow or for two weeks out will get played and replayed.  I can get lost in it. For example, I skipped therapy last night.  Normally I have it every 2 weeks but yesterday I was just not interested in talking.  So, obviously in 2 more weeks I would be scheduled to see her. I was hosting a full on tirade in my mind. How I was going to burst into her office and have oh so many rational things to say leaning toward opting out of therapy.  I shake my head and yell stop. Turn over and fix the covers again.  The movie reel spins and I’m thrown into yesterday when I was semi laughing about a very stressful situation I’m facing. Trying to make light of it I made a joke of channeling my boss, which to me is a good thing. Yet, as it plays and replays, I’m uncertain my choice of words was understood. I’m uncertain that I didn’t, quite accidentally, drenched in sarcasm, insult her. Did anyone notice? Did they talk about me and my betrayal of my boss when I left the room?  I scan my mind for faces.  Reactions.  My mind churns and churns. The clock turns and turns. The wolf paces.  On and on it goes.


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