Dancing her heart out

She reached into the darkness of her closet. Fumbled as she searched the back wall. Finally, her fingers found the laces. Through the cobwebs she fetched her shoes. They are well worn, but not for a long time. Still snug as she slips her right foot in, then the left. If in this order she feels safer.
The hand bag she prefers to use for these trips is torn and tattered. Amber pays no mind to this kind of detail. Getting through the trip unscathed is really all that matters. Once she walks through that door she is prey. Falling victim to expectation over and over she returns home heart broken.
The funny part is she abandoned the mask just a few short years ago. Feeling short changed she thought perhaps if she showed her true self things would be different. The sad truth is, unconsciously, she traded the mask for the tap shoes.
Obligation of Mother’s Day called for her to leave the comfort of home. Her home. Flowers? Candy? Wouldn’t make a difference, they still wouldn’t notice her. She laughs when they laugh. Listens intently to their stories of vacation and frivolous detail. If they were to ask about her, the things she is doing or facing, she had a safe yet savvy response. But like most other times, the questions never come.
Instead she stands on point, in her tired tap shoes. She dances around and smiles. Twirls in the delight of their stories. Side steps any awkward silences. Digging in her heels she wonders if they care how hard life is for her sometimes. Klickety klack in the kitchen where they talk of wine and beer. Libations she cannot partake in for her sanity.
A backbend into the living room. No it’s okay, she is fine. No need to ask about her career, her health. Much easier to talk about her brother. Dancing to their beat, their rhythm she moves in and out of conversation. Being talked at, almost like drums just to fill the space. No room for comment. Amber tried to insert herself, have a say, but was rolled over. Politely I’d admit. As if nothing was said at all. The gluttonous dialogue continued. Root step root step shuffle, Amber tapped her way to the silence of the bathroom.
A momentary pause to wonder how people become so selfish. In direct result, others get their feelings hurt. Though none of these words will be uttered. More dancing. After all, it’s Mother’s Day.


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