Bipolar disorder is tricky. I had a good nights sleep. I was well prepared for my first appointment. I made breakfast. The sun was shining. Somewhere on my 25 minute drive I began crying. I don’t remember thinking about anything. I don’t remember feeling anxious. I just remember tears streaming down my face. I swear I have no understanding why.
I made it through the appointment, but not without some stumbles. I wasn’t able to give direction to my vendor very clearly. It showed in the email he sent back-incorrectly done. However, it’s all fixable.
i was just fighting back tears ever since the car ride. I sit in a cubicle in a wide open room where there is no where to hide. I run to the bathroom but it’s full of women. I sat in the farthest corner of the courtyard sunglasses on, but someone came by. The more I had to force them away the heavier they were. Then the flash flood. As quickly, yet slowly, as I could I packed up my work bag. My back to most of my coworkers I walked out. In my car I just let loose. Why is this happening? I don’t even feel able to think much less ruminate.
My husband just kept repeating you said you slept well. And I did. Symptoms don’t disappear due to good sleep. There isn’t always a reason!! I want to yell. It often doesn’t make sense!! All I can do is let the tears fall. I could search for a reason, but why? It’s bipolar disorder.