I am wrestling with myself. So agitated. Every noise and every light grating on me. Every email I read sets off rage. I hate everyone. In the next moment I am cowering in the bathroom crying. Uncomfortable. Disgruntled. But then just overwhelmed and sad. A lovely mixed episode according to my doc. What did I do to deserve this?
I think this started last night. I was wanting to peel my skin off out of disgust. I have just let myself go. Any semblance of a workout routine gone. I used to be so fit and dedicated. Now I’m a sloth. I curse myself, but do nothing about it. I set my alarm last night to exercise this morning before work. I got my out of shape butt on the treadmill by 6 am.
In addition, I am having trouble w my supervisor at work. I’m trying to get a new job. The environment is making me unhealthy. I’m frustrated and confused about her responses to me. I came home upset last night and as a result could not sleep. My mind was in overdrive and I began obsessing. Catastrophizing. Creating immense anxiety. Then my mind was scripting interactions and exactly what I should say, what they would say…on and on. Agonizing. I had to take an additional medication to make it stop.
This post is nothing but a rant. No substance. Sorry. I have nowhere else to go!! well except the bathroom to cry some more. Pitiful!